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Posts Tagged ‘vulnerability’

Is anyone truly comfortable with their own vulnerability?  Even the most “enlightened” people are often faced with the discomfort of realizing their own vulnerability from time to time.

 

During my journey this past month, I faced that paradox myself.  I’ve certainly faced this lesson many times before in my life and to some extent, I knew that the issue of my vulnerability would be present during my journey.  I just didn’t realize that it would be a gift to others to share that with them, nor did I realize that I would continue to confront the lessons upon my return.

 

When I travel, I’m a fish out of water.  Being blind has its challenges, but I strive not to allow them to be limitations.  If I want to do something, I try to find ways of accomplishing this.  I also believe in the process of manifesting and attracting what I want through intention and right alignment.  All fancy terms that sound great, but this is a process that works, as long as I don’t get in my own way.  And I do get in my own way frequently.

 

So on this journey, I was very blessed to be accompanied by my friend Becky.  Becky and I have known each other for quite a few years, but we’ve never traveled together.  What a brave woman.  As it turns out Becky is as patient as the day is long; much more patient with me than I am with myself.  She was a gift to travel with and we enjoyed ourselves immensely.

 

But there were 11 others on this journey with us, including our friends leading the Journey, Glenn and Cameron.  Since I’ve traveled with them before, it was quite easy to put my faith and trust in their hands as they are friends, they know me and have a sense of my “limitations.”  I have to give them huge credit for not only allowing me to journey with them, but to also take me to some of the more rugged sacred sites we visited.  I am very aware that many people in their place would not have done this out of fear for my safety, and their own liability.  But that isn’t who Glenn and Cameron are, and it’s not what Sacred Britain is all about.  And still there were 9 others in our group who if not actually physically guided and supported me, held the energy of all of us being together on this pilgrimage.

 

Most of the time, I had only a name of a place we were to visit, and no real knowledge of the terrain I would be hiking over.  That’s a gift to be able to put my trust in Glenn and Cameron to guide all of us with our various needs.  So when I came upon rough terrain, there was always someone- usually several people- there to give me a hand.

 

The first time I encountered such a spot in the journey, I found myself flanked by 2 of our guys on either side of me, and Cameron literally guiding my feet over rocks and boulders to get to a beach.  That was when I began having my first epiphanies about surrendering.  It was not just about surrendering my physical being to the journey, but also my emotional being as well.

 

The next day the group met after breakfast to have a check in, which was a brilliant idea.  When I had the opportunity, I shared my sense of that moment of being able to allow people to help me and surrender myself to it.  I was touched by the response I received from my fellow travelers who all chimed in to let me know that it was a gift for them to not only help me, but that I would allow myself to be vulnerable with them.

 

That’s been such a tough thing for me to let into my consciousness.  I’ve heard this message in various ways throughout my lifetime, but this time I couldn’t ignore it nor push it away.  I had to acknowledge it and begin to let it sink in.  Still working on that one.

 

At home I am as independent as I can be and I’m pretty proud of that independence.  But as a person without sight, I have to ask for help with the various tasks that most folks take for granted.  I face that on a daily basis, and have figured out how to negotiate through that in my world.  It’s so important to me that I maintain a balance of giving and receiving with my friends who support me.  I am very insistent with myself about giving back in some small ways, so that I feel like I’m not taking advantage of anyone.  That’s old programming that can get me into trouble with myself at times.  But there is merit to balance.  I just forget that sometimes balance and giving back isn’t what I think it is.

 

So when my friends on the journey say to me, this is a gift for us to help you; I have to acknowledge their experience of me.  And by that I have a sense of being “seen.”  It’s not the sense of physical vulnerability that is so terrifying, it’s the emotional vulnerability of allowing yourself to be seen in a vulnerable way.  Letting someone see your shadows, or your perceptions of your shadows, is truly daunting.  And yet, when it happened to me on this journey, I felt completely contained by the support and love of these friends.

 

That seems to be just the beginning for this part of my lesson.  I no longer have that container around me, although our group will remain connected in someway.  But in my ordinary life, there will be new dimensions of this lesson to explore.  I can’t say that I’m thrilled to take this on with open arms, but I know the value of such deep inner work.  I also know that my container of support is within me, with my connection to Divine Source and I will be tapping into the source to guide me.

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